the real definition of swag is:
an ornamental drapery or curtain pinned
in a curve between two points
or herbal tea in plastic bags sold as
marijuana to unsuspecting drug users
both you and your brother make me cups of tea
it’s a game of russian roulette whether i get
your teabag tea
or a…
I Am Fire
I am fire today
I’ll burn you up for we have no tomorrow
Forgot to eat again
That does not matter I do not exist
Not yet
Perhaps I am simply in an emotionally suspended stasis
Selfishly only allowing myself to feel heat
I want to eat your skin
Dig my teeth in
Find out how you really taste underneath
Are you sweet all the way through?
Or a typically bitter pill
I will not swallow you
I do not know your side effects
I am afraid whilst I hang here
As a star would
Consuming all your oxygen
Being pretty
I will inevitably implode
You will be my accidental victim
The look of surprise as you are vacuumed into that hole
Is tattooed on to the insides of my eyelids.
I am fire today.
I will burn you up for we have no tomorrow.
‘Come trembling, softly, love,
taste my skin, metallic, bitter.
I want to be on the edge of living,
my lover from the dusk.’
He visits me nightly now, not as before.
I feel his ivory fingertips caress my neck.
I feel his bones against my skin
and beckon him to bed.
In the early days it…
this plush inviting toy
is much this fox in song, in
skin, this living thing subsists, is
coition big, obvious in thoughts of
kissing, flings, its goings-on, thinking
my gist of skin, it sinks, lining, is bit.
if living this is difficult in infinity’s long
illusion; this is vision, this…
Sat at work with my phone carefully concealed beneath my desk, it’s 13.45 and i’m already thinking about bed time. Then I thought about how nice it would be to have someone play with my hair until I fall asleep, which Chris used to do. For a brief moment I considered putting a facebook status to the effect that if someone was to come play with my hair I would offer a them monetary reward. Then I reconsidered as I played out a little script in my head, knowing full well the first person to answer would be undesirable and I would want to reply with, “no, you strange little man” - then it struck me that that response would be mean and if my life was a sitcom the strange little man would shrug it off and walk away to canned laughter. But life is not a sitcom. It is grim. There is no canned laughter.
Once again i’ve left it quite some time…. since my last blog I have moved into my new house, had a good few weeks of life contemplation and broke up with my boyfriend - that was a month ago and it only hit home last week. It was the right decision however, I know that deep down inside.
Since then i’ve been pretty selfish, which isn’t fitting me very well, I know I can have my moments but conciously choosing myself over other people has been difficult in a exhileratingly guilty sense.
There are other things, I want to get off my chest and analyse through words, but I fear people read this who a) I don’t want to be disappointed in me a b) really needn’t know those things.
New house is great by the way, i’m so please with it. The kitchen is HUGE.
Listening to “Somebody I Used to Know” by Gotye feat Kimbra
I’ve fallen in love.
It’s my favourite feeling.
I’m going to make my spare room into a cosy room, it’s going to have a hammock chair and nice smelling things. It shall be a place for contemplation and music.
Of course i’m pretty sure that silent contemplation will be punctuated with the sounds of Christopher’s video games but what you take what you can get, and he’ll be putting up my hammock chair anyway.
OOOOOOH I CAN BUY THROWS AND PILLOWS.
Pictures will follow of this cosy room.
I get my keys tomorrow.
Anyhow i’m listening to “Gotye radio” on Last.Fm (my favourite music site ever) and it keeps throwing up Australian Folk. Which i’m enjoying.
So obviously this means that I must move to Australia. It’s where i’m meant to be.
My boyfriend suprise turned up and took me to KFC for lunch (aww) - anyhow this is what a gained from our conversation, wherein I asked him to explain the difference between matter and anti-matter - I drew a picture to better understand it.
Also our universe is doing the YYOOOWWWW part of the dopplar effect (MMEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOWWWWWW).
I do smart me.
Nervous.
Because I bought this one. Which is a huge step in adulthood I believe. Actually I feel a little sick thinking about it.
Heart.
